How to know if you should stay or go

There’s no such thing as a relationship without challenges. However, some stumbling blocks are merely garden-variety annoyances, while others are bona fide deal-breakers. Here is a Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved.

1. Consider how you and your partner resolve conflicts
In an unhealthy relationship (i.e., one that really isn’t working), when you hit those periods of conflict, you’ll notice either right away or soon enough that you are not a team struggling for mutual well-being. Unsure about whether you and your partner are have an unhealthy conflict resolution approach? When you argue, does it become about who can win and/or who can hurt the other more effectively, or does one (or both) of you become explosive or cruel? Is it characterized by your partner thinking almost exclusively about what is good for him or her, not about what’s good for you or the relationship? If any of these statements ring true for you, it’s probably a wise decision to get out.

2. Recognize the difference between irritating habits and deal-breakers
Some of the most troubling and potentially deal-breaking problems one can face with a partner are immaturity, addiction, unresolved or untreated mental health issues (including the after-effects of trauma, depression and personality disorders) and abusiveness. Each one of these is a big ticket item, meaning it will likely cost you a great deal of emotional energy and time to be in a relationship with your partner and one of these issues. You may decide that, no matter how much you love your partner, you don’t want to put so much energy into dealing with anything so consuming.

3. Think about the consequences of ending the relationship
When debating whether to leave or stay, first considering whether you’ve ever felt frightened of your partner. Has this person ever physically attacked you, or made you feel that he or she was on the verge of it? Has your partner ever forced you sexually? Has your partner said anything like, “You’d better not ever try to leave me” or anything similar that suggested he or she wanted you to be afraid of ending things? If your intuition tells you that your partner may have a volatile reaction, that’s a pretty good sign that walking away from your relationship is a good idea.

4. Imagine a life without your partner
When you’re trying to decide whether staying in your relationship will be truly beneficial or not, ask yourself if you have remained true to who you really are during the time you’ve been with your partner, and what your life would look like if you were no longer together. Remember that having love, approval, kindness and appreciation for yourself is at least as important as getting it from someone else; if these feelings are impossible to have while in your current relationship, it’s time to get back into having a loving, supportive connection with yourself.

How to Say No

There are lots of reasons we struggle with "no." Some feel bound by obligation or by fear of hurting someone's feelings. Others believe they really can do it all (and hate to pass up the opportunity to try). But think about it: Almost every misplaced yes is really a no to you.

By asserting yourself in a considerate, confident way, says negotiator William Ury, Ph.D., author of "The Power of a Positive No," you can be selective about what you take on without jeopardizing friendships -- a people-pleaser's biggest fear. Try our five-step plan so that you can start saying no -- and stop feeling guilty.

Find Your Yes
Before you can even think about getting good at saying no, get clear on what to say yes to in life. If your yes is more time with your family, that will mean turning down obligations that keep you away from home. If it's yes to better health, you'll need to say no to late nights at work that keep you from the gym. The firmer your foundation and connection to your yes, says Ury, the less difficult it will be to say no. After all, you'll be answering to a higher cause.

Buy Some Time
Whenever possible, don't respond to a request on the spot. This keeps you from saying yes under pressure ("Um ... sure, I'll host the baby shower") or reacting emotionally to the request, especially when you're feeling stressed out.

Deliver Your No with Grace and Resolve
The moment of truth can be the most difficult of all, particularly when you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Ury suggests a "yes-no-yes" approach: First, share what you're currently saying yes to ("My mother and I always go out for breakfast on Saturday mornings"). Then say no ("So I won't be able to help you set up for the brunch you're hosting").

But don't stop there. After you've turned someone down, affirm your good intentions by closing with another yes -- this time, to a mutually positive outcome ("But I'd be happy to help clean up after it's over"). In so doing, you relieve some of the frustration wrought by closing a door, while sending the message that you respect the other person's needs.

Have a Plan B
Even if the other person gets emotional or reactive after you've delivered your no, don't yield under pressure -- as difficult as this may seem. Instead, take a deep breath and listen attentively to his or her objections. Then, gently but firmly, underscore your no -- and keep it simple and clean; no backpedaling or scrambling for defense.

Cut Yourself Some Slack
Even with practice, some will always find saying no a challenge. For the dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser, there may be a twinge of guilt -- and, for the overly ambitious, regret. Realize that your perennial inclination to offer help is something to be lauded, not criticized.

How to beat The Claw

Squatting menacingly in the corner of your favorite restaurant, movie theater, supermarket or bowling alley, the claw machine is a harsh mistress. There's something unmistakably hostile about its steely, three- or four-fingered grip, and something immeasurably frustrating about the feeling of horror and loss you get as your prize slips from your tenuous grasp at the very last second.

Don't despair. Instead, even the odds a little. Follow these simple tips, and you can't lose.

Study your machine

The more tempting and desirable the prizes, the lower the chances you'll win. Expect machines with expensive prizes to have claws that move faster, grip looser, and generally do everything possible to foil your attempts to snag their contents. If all you want to do is win something, machines with cheaper prizes are a better bet.

Another good idea? Look for machines that aren't packed tight with prizes -- a little space can go a long way. It's also worth sizing up the pile of goodies. Are they stacked in such a way as to make it hard to pull them apart? If the prize you want is tucked under another toy, it's going to be that much harder to grab, as the claw typically isn't strong enough to dig a toy out from underneath other objects. Perhaps a little strategic repositioning is in order before you tackle the big prize -- or perhaps there's another machine with a more favorable arrangement.

Timing is everything

Don't be afraid to take your time. Depending on the machine, you'll likely have a total of 15 or 30 seconds to hit the all-important "Drop" button. There's no harm in taking almost all of that to make sure your alignment is dead-on. Plan to hit the button when there's about five seconds left on the clock, and you'll have ample time for the machine to haul out whatever you've snagged.

Use a spotter

Having two eyes is overrated. Unless you're some sort of ping-pong prodigy, your depth perception probably ain't all that -- and if you want to boost your chances of snagging that awesome claw-machine prize, you're going to need some way of augmenting it. Some sort of cybernetic implant would be ideal, but if you can't swing that, find yourself an accomplice.

How's that going to help? You look after the side-to-side alignment, and have your partner stand around the corner of the machine and take care of the front-back direction. No matter how lousy your depth perception might be, as long as your spotter is on the ball, you'll drop the claw right on the prize every time.

Watch and wait

But that might not be enough. According to a report on the British show Brainiac, some claw machines are configured so that four times out of five (or nine times out of ten) they'll deliberately grab the toy with a greatly weakened grip. Only on that lucky fifth run will it use enough force to actually keep hold of the prize. In other words, they're rigged.

True? False? Nobody seems to know for sure -- except the manufacturers, and you can bet they're keeping a tight grip on the info. Still, if you're sizing up a busy machine, it may make sense to watch other players and see if there's a pattern to their wins and losses.

The Secrets of Happy Couples

What is surprising, experts point out, is that when you ask loving husbands and wives about the key to their devotion, over and over you'll hear the same things, specific habits that mirror these values. Learning these secrets can make your marriage closer too.

They use terms of endearment

Sure, you may find it cloyingly sweet when you overhear other couples talking like 2-year-olds, but endearments are actually a sign of a healthy rapport.

These feelings of intimacy can also come from using a special tone of voice with each other, sharing silly "inside jokes," or pet-naming your spouse's intimate body parts. The point is to connect with some private message system that's meaningful to you alone, as a couple -- not to the outside world.

When the going gets tough, they don't call Mom or Dad

The first task facing all young couples is separating from their families of origin. This doesn't mean you shouldn't go home for the holidays. But if there's a crisis over whether to have a second child or relocate for a new job, or even if there's good news about a big raise or the results of a medical test, the couple should talk about it together first before dialing Mom.

They stay connected to their parents

This doesn't contradict with the above point. You can talk with your mom every day and still be clear about where your attachment to her ends and your love for your mate begins.

Staying connected to parents, siblings, cousins and the like can be excellent for a marriage because it gives a sense of family continuity. It generates positive feelings, especially when you incorporate your spouse into that family. You're sharing that part of you with each other.

They don't nickel-and-dime about chores

It's no secret that most wives continue to do more in the housekeeping and child-rearing departments than their husbands. Still, when partners become double-entry bookkeepers, adding up every dish washed and every diaper changed, they may be headed for trouble.

Most couples think they should strive for a relationship that's 50-50,but the fact is, they should each give 150 percent. In good relationships, couples give everything they can. They don't nickel-and-dime each other, and they respect that each person gives different things.

They give each other gifts

Couples who are deeply connected often give each other presents or write little notes, says Thomas Moore, Ph.D., best-selling author of Care of the Soul. What they're doing is preserving the rituals, and the magic, of their courtship.

The gift should carry no strings. Sarah sometimes comes home from work to find that her husband has prepared a candlelight dinner. But it's not set up to be a prelude to sex.

They never lose their sense of humor

Humor, as many psychotherapists have observed, is the glue that keeps a couple together. When a couple can no longer laugh together, it's a signal that the soul has gone out of their marriage and they are headed for trouble.

But lighthearted couples never mock each other. They instinctively know what is -- and isn't -- fair game.

They take "for better or for worse" seriously

Contented couples encounter their share of life's miseries -- whether it's the car breaking down, a nasty cold or a missed promotion -- but they help each other get through. You don't, for example, hear them say, "How could you let that happen?" when a spouse loses a job. Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner's suffering, like become resentful or criticize. In good marriages, people feel safe from the outside world. Each spouse has the feeling, I can count on you, our world is all right.

The Power of Touch

A study at the University of Virginia showed that holding a spouse’s hand can diminish stress set off by a mild electric shock. A total of 16 couples took part; first the wives received the shocks while their brains were monitored via functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI).

Next, each woman held the hand of a stranger during the shock--this dampened the stress response seen in the brain. Finally, the women held their husbands’ hands during the shock and the fMRIs showed that the reduction in stress was even greater.
The Cuddle Hormone

Women who get the most hugs from their partner have the highest levels of oxytocin, a hormone sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” University of North Carolina researchers reported.

Oxytocin is believed to play a role in social bonding and has a powerful effect on the cardiovascular systems. In the study, the frequent huggers had lower blood pressure. So there you have it, love is good for almost everything. The only exception: it doesn’t help you lose weight.

Fascinating Facts About Cats

Cats have internal GPS systems.

Lost cats really can find their way home. Various experts point to sunlight angles, the earth's magnetic fields and another capability referred to as PSI Traveling. Whatever the case, recorded facts about cats confirm their often long and arduous journeys to reach home and a favored human companion.

Cats can use pet doors.

For families that maintain indoor-outdoor cats, nothing's more convenient than a pet door. Know who came up with the idea? Gravity King Sir Isaac Newton! According to various tales passed down over the years, Newton was experimenting with light in a darkened room and one of his most prized cats kept opening the door and disrupting the experiment. To keep his work intact and allow the cat free roam, he cut a small hole in the door and covered it with cloth. That evolved into what is today known as a pet door, suitable for both cats and dogs.

Cats can use the toilet, and they can flush.

Cat-training experts say and they claim that there's no need for kitty litter. You can definitely train your cat to use the toilet.

Happy Couples do stuff together

When that pheromone-crazy feeling of falling in love passes and happy couples no longer spend all day in bed, they look outward. They start businesses, refinish the attic or take up cooking together.

Of all the variables in a relationship -from commitment to communication- the amount of fun couples have together is the strongest factor in determining their overall marital happiness, according to a landmark study by Howard Markman, Ph.D., codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. Time spent playing together, says Dr. Markman, is an "investment in the relationship"; it provides a relaxed intimacy that strengthens the bond between two people.

So even if your life is impossibly frantic, make the time for play. And do all you can to eliminate distractions. Leave the kids with a sitter, ditch the beeper and cell phone. The activity doesn't have to be anything elaborate or costly. Exercising together, browsing in antiques stores, or renting a classic movie can help bring the two of you closer.

Expert tips for calming pre-date jitters

Help is here. Here're some tips on how to overcome this common problem. We’ve rounded up advice from experts who teach people how to stay calm in nerve-wracking situations. Try their tips below for putting your best dating foot forward.

Tip #1: Keep a healthy perspective about what first dates are really for “The first and most important step in overcoming the fear is to put your first date in perspective: this is not an appointment with the dentist or brain surgeon who may inflict pain on you; rather, it is a conversation with another person. The worst thing that can happen is that you won’t connect with the person sitting across from you — it’s hardly the end of the world! Second, think of this date as a two-way process. You are interviewing a potential partner as much as your date is interviewing you. Is there a good fit here? What looks good on the surface or on paper may not be what it appears to be for either party. Investigate whether this person is a good match for you and whether you want to invest a significant part of your life and energy in future dates.”

Tip #2: Breathe deeply while counting silently to calm yourself down “Here is a simple (but amazingly powerful) breathing technique you can easily do to manage stress while sitting in the car or on the train before a date. While breathing through the nose only, inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of six. It only takes about two or three minutes to experience a noticeable, full-body calming effect. The reason? Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system to counteract the ‘fight-or-flight’ response that underlies your jitters and results in shallower breathing. And if, during the date, you feel yourself getting nervous again, ask an open-ended question, like: ‘So, what’s working at a college really like?’ and then put a soft smile on your face while you breathe the shakes away!”

Concentrate on the present moment instead of worrying about the future “Dating is like auditioning — the stakes are high, so nerves will undoubtedly come into play. I would tell daters the same thing I tell my actors: When you get nervous, put your concentration into the present moment instead of the outcome. Every time you start to think about the future — “Will this person ask me out on a second date?” — force yourself to focus on the conversation at hand. You stand a better chance of booking another date if you can let someone see the type of person you really are, and that you’d be easy to get along with. You can’t do that if you’re draining your own energy trying to figure out what your date wants and what the result might be.”

Release pre-date tension by working up a sweat in the gym
“Work out first! You’ll have a positive feeling from all the endorphins, you’ll feel more confident about your appearance, and you’ll have released the tension from your muscles. Or, instead of going right to the date from your office or home, socialize a bit first — either by meeting a friend somewhere or otherwise putting yourself in a situation where you’re turning on your most positive personality for others. Doing this will make you walk into the date already feeling engaged and ‘up.’ Just do not talk about the upcoming date while you’re socializing, because that will put your mind back on the subject... and could make you nervous all over again.”

Put any negative thoughts in writing, then put a positive spin on them before leaving for your date “Divide a sheet of paper in half. On the left side of the page, write down how your critical inner voices or negative thoughts are undermining your self-confidence. Write them down as though you are talking to yourself; for example, ‘Don’t get too excited about this date. He/she is not going to find you attractive enough.’ Next, on the right-hand side of the page, write down a more realistic or congenial statement about yourself. Like, ‘I may not be a supermodel, but I have good features and a sense of humor.’ Decide which of these more positive, realistic statements you will act on before your date begins. They reflect the real you.”

Tip for Couples: How to fight constructively

There's fighting and then there's fighting. When couples start yelling and throwing things, when they dredge up every single complaint they've ever had (or "kitchen-sinking," as marital experts typically call it), you can be sure that they won't be celebrating their silver anniversary together. Studies show that the way couples handle conflict is the most important factor in determining whether or not they stay together, according to experts in relationship study.

Happy couples have learned the art of constructive arguing, whose research has demonstrated that it's possible to predict whether or not a couple will divorce after watching them argue for 10 or 15 minutes. In strong marriages, the partners take control of their disagreements by establishing ground rules. They may, for example, call a mutually agreed-upon time-out if the conflict is escalating and unproductive, agreeing to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period.

They also truly listen to each other and won't prematurely try to solve the problem before they've heard each other out. Above all, no matter how angry they get, they don't resort to name-calling and insults - key danger signs.

Why are men always so focused on sex, sex and sex

Chalk this one up to testosterone, the “male” hormone that advises the brain, too. “In utero, the male fetal brain ‘marinates’ in testosterone, which makes his brain’s area for sexual pursuit grow to be two and a half times larger than in a female brain,” Expert says.

And then, the ‘fuel’ that drives this area in the brain — testosterone — increases in a male by 250 percent between ages 9 and 15. So by the time he’s a teenager, a male’s visual circuits — all of which are located in his brain — start focusing on female body parts and fantasizing about how to get a girl to have sex with him, and, you may have noticed, this act of “focusing” doesn’t exactly stop after high school.

Why are men so “physical?”

Spend an hour at the playground on a Saturday and you’ll have all the proof you need that males and females are just wired differently when it comes to physical activity. “From the time boys are young, they exhibit much more rough-and-tumble play than little girls do,” Dr. Brizendine explains.

Scientists believe this is because boys’ brains and bodies are marinated in testosterone while they’re in utero and have more of a hormone called MIF (mullerian inhibitory factor), which sends messages to the brain requiring that they be more physically active. When males reach puberty and adulthood, they have 10 times more testosterone than females do, which activates the need to move their muscles in a way that females do not experience, Dr. Brizendine says.

Now that you know this, ask your girlfriend to go shopping for fresh produce with you and let your guy and his buddies bond over a game of pick-up basketball. Just think: an early morning release of that pent-up energy will make him that much more willing (and able) to go see that new Reese Witherspoon movie you’ve been dying to see this evening!

The Surprising Health Benefits of Love

Love actually can make us healthier, so much so that if you could bottle it, you would have an incredible wonder drug, a Nobel Prize, the thanks of a grateful population and more money than Bill Gates. If a growing body of research is to be believed, love can lengthen your life, ward off stress, boost your immune system, lower your blood pressure, protect you from colds and flu, blunt your response to pain, hasten wound healing, and lower your risk of dementia in old age.

Studies have shown that health-wise, men are a lot better off married than their still-single pals; their wives are less likely to suffer from depression than their unmarried bridesmaids. Let a little romance into your life, and you’re less likely to end up in a nursing home when you’re old and gray. Love and marriage (or even love without marriage) turns out to be really, really good for us. Here are the main reasons why:

Love Defuses Stress

Unchecked stress can undermine your immune system, leaving you prey to all kinds of physical ills. Some studies have shown that happy couples produce less of the hormone cortisol when they’re stressed. This is a good thing because too much cortisol suppresses the immune system leaving us open to colds, flu and worse. It also prompts the body to store fat around the abdominal organs.

This kind of “visceral fat” is linked to diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Marriage appears to be particularly good for health: rates of diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease and other chronic ailments are all lower in married people than in single ones.

Love Heals Wounds

A study at Ohio State University used a device designed to leave little blisters on the arm and to enable doctors to monitor the immune system’s response at the tiny wound sites. The researchers used a study grant to pay 42 married couples $2,000 each to agree to the blistering procedures and then to talk about topics that provoked tension and at another time to discuss topics that engendered supportive behavior. The upshot? The blisters took a day longer to heal after sessions when the couples disagreed than when they discussed something pleasant. The wounds took two days longer to heal when there was high hostility during arguments.
Better Brain Health

The give-and-take of marriage—or living with a partner—helps keep your wits sharp.

Living as a couple in midlife was linked to lower risk for cognitive impairment (unusually poor memory and mental functioning) in a Swedish study, while other research shows socializing, including getting together with friends, belonging to a club, or doing volunteer work also helps keep your brain nimble.

Simple Tips for a Happier Relationship

What's your New Year's resolution for 2012? To exercise more? To be more productive? We bet "a more honest and open relationship" isn't on many of your lists. That's because tons of people put their relationships on autopilot, hoping the kinks will just work themselves out - and then they argue each and every day, and end up resenting each other. The best way to have a happy relationship is to keep working on it, so even if you're not currently in a relationship rut, follow these 12 tips from our staff and you'll keep being happy.

1. Say "please" and "thank you." This shows your partner you appreciate them and keeps you from taking each other for granted.
2. Grab your partner's butt every day (or at least every other day).
3. Kiss every morning!
4. Say "good morning" every morning.
5. Cuddle.
6. Spend at least one night a week with your significant other and family/friends, i.e. don't hole up all by yourselves.
7. Use baby talk/pet names very sparingly. If you overuse these, you could damage your relationship since you won't be able to relate to each other seriously.
8. DO THE DISHES. Set up some type of system for who does them when.
9. Practice listening.
10. Practice honesty, even when it's uncomfortable.

11. If you and your partner are indecisive about where to eat or what movie to watch, play the "5-3-1" game. One person names five choices, the other vetoes two of them, and then the first person eliminates the remaining two. Ta-da, no more "Where you do want to eat?" "I don't care, what do you want to do?" (From 8 Relationship Tricks Happy Couples Use)

12. If you live together, make sure you each still have your own private space where you can retreat to work, think, or partake in bizarre grooming rituals that the other person wouldn't want to see.

Symptoms and How to detox from technology?

These are symptoms identified as showing your tech habits might be unhealthy:

You can’t go more than a few minutes without checking your smartphone for email or texts.
You log onto Facebook many times a day so you won’t miss an “important” post.
You feel your phone vibrate and whip it out of your pocket and discover it was a case of “phantom pocket vibration syndrome.
You excuse yourself to the restroom specifically to check in with your online world.
You sleep with your cell phone next to you and say you are using it as an alarm when, really, you want to be able to check texts that come in during the night.

How to detox from technology

Most people can benefit from stepping back. Start with 15 minutes of going without checking emails, texts, or social networking sites. Then enjoy using your tech toys for a one-minute "tech break" — a time to use technology. As you discover you aren’t going to miss anything drastically important and start to feel more at ease and focused, you can increase the time between tech breaks.

Rather than fighting kids' compulsion to be connected, it’s more productive to help them gradually expand the time they can stay focused on something other than their mobile device or computer. For example, ask your child or teen to put down their device during a family meal but assure them that they can have a one-minute tech break every 15 minutes afterwards. Gradually increase the time between tech breaks. This strategy is even being implemented in schools where some kids’ anxiety about checking their devices can make it difficult for them to focus in class.

Conquer Stress

Managing stress is challenging, Roach says, but worth the effort. "It has such a powerful effect on your health." Chronic stress takes a huge toll on your body. It's linked to obesity, high cholesterol, depression, digestive woes, and insomnia. Stress also wears down your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable to colds and flu.

Relaxation techniques like meditation and deep breathing can help. So can exercise. Whatever method you choose, effective stress management has terrific anti-aging benefits. Taking good care of your emotional health and well-being can make your body think it's 16 years younger.

American Woman Helping Poor Women Named Hero of The Year

An American woman, Robin Lim, who has helped thousands of poor Indonesian women have a healthy pregnancy and birth, was named the 2011 CNN Hero of the Year on Sunday night.

Through her Yayasan Bumi Sehat health clinics, "Mother Robin," or "Ibu Robin" as she is called by the locals, offers free prenatal care, birthing services and medical aid in Indonesia, where many families cannot afford care.

"Every baby's first breath on Earth could be one of peace and love. Every mother should be healthy and strong. Every birth could be safe and loving. But our world is not there yet," Lim said during "CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute," which took place at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles and recognized Lim and the other top 10 CNN Heroes of 2011.

Many women in the developing world do not have access to contraception or maternal care. According to the United Nations Population Fund, three out of five women giving birth in South Asia do so without a skilled birth attendant on hand.

How to get your cat sleep at night in the house

Here are some tips to get your cat sleeps at the same time you sleep. Change meal time. "Feed the cat before you go to bed vs. before you leave in the morning," Dr. Buffington suggests. Because we are all more likely to sleep after a meal (think about the postprandial pause after we push back from the Thanksgiving table!) feeding just before your bedtime will make your cat more likely to snooze, too.

Make time for playtime. "Providing play opportunities will help 'wear the cat out' before bed," Dr. Buffington says. If a long day at work leaves you too exhausted to play with Kitty, get a toy that your pet can play with on his own, like the Fling-ama-String, one of my Dr. Becker's Best from the Global Pet Expo. Set it up at the other end of the house and hit the sack!

Widen your cat's world. "I'd suggest they enrich the environment so they're not the only source of the cat's stimulation and activity," Dr. Buffington says. "Add feeding puzzles, window perches with bird feeders outside, cat videos, etc." This keeps your cat busy all day and makes him more likely to sleep all night.

World's First Sex School Opens in Austria

Do you want to have a better life with your loved one? Ylva-Maria Thompson has opened the world's first international sex school to teach its students how to be better lovers. The Austrian International Sex School in Vienna offers 'hands on' lessons in seduction for £1,400 a term.

The 'headmistress' says anyone over the age of 16 can enrol at 'the world's first college of applied sexuality'. Students live in a mixed sex dormitory block where they're expected to practise their homework.

And at the end of the course, they are awarded a qualification. The new school head said: 'Our core education is not theoretical, but very practical. The emphasis is on how to be a better lover.

Are You A Positive Person?

Some studies have shown that an upbeat attitude about aging adds years. But long-term studies conducted at the Stanford Longevity Center show that emotions, more than attitudes, may be the biologic mechanism at work, says Laura Carstensen, the center's director.

"What's the mechanism at work here? Feeling upbeat about your life means you experience less stress, which in turn affects cortisol levels, which can affect health," she says. Stanford researchers periodically assess 19 different emotions in subjects randomly polled over 1 week at 5-year intervals. Having more positive emotions than negative ones is associated with living longer.

Carstensen is a firm believer that while "slow agers" clearly exist, there's more to their stories than lucky genes. "There's mounting evidence that genes play a role in longevity, but genes play a role in almost everything," she says. "They don't express themselves in vacuums -- there are very complex interactions between genes and lifestyle." So all that advice on how to live to 100? Can't hurt to heed it.

Study: Secret to Long Life in Genes, NOT Lifestyle

Researchers trying to unlock the secret of longevity studied a population of Ashkenazi Jews who have lived to at least 95 and found their eating and lifestyle habits are no better than those of the general population.

In fact, men in the long-lived group drank slightly more and exercised less than their average counterparts. The findings are published in the online edition of Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.

'This study suggests that centenarians may possess additional longevity genes that help to buffer them against the harmful effects of an unhealthy lifestyle,' said the senior author, Dr Nir Barzilai, the director of the Institute for Aging Research at Yeshiva University's Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

The study involved 477 Ashkenazi Jews aged 95 to 122 who were living independently. Three-quarters were women. All were enrolled in a study aimed to uncover the secrets to longevity.

Ashkenazi Jews were chosen because they are more 'genetically uniform than other populations, making it easier to spot gene differences, the study said. The elder group had similar habits in terms of height-weight ratio, smoking, exercise level and diet as similarly matched people in the general population.