WHY IT'S NOT SO BAD: Anger

The key is figuring out how to appropriately channel your anger rather than lash out. Expert lays out the three easy steps.

1) Figure out exactly what triggered your anger. Was it the rude comment your coworker made during lunch?
2) Consider any other emotions that may be behind your anger. Do you feel embarrassed about the snide remark she made in front of other people? Are you really unhappy with your job but afraid of change, so you don't look elsewhere?
3) Plan a course of action to fix the situation. Have a conversation with your coworker to find out why she made that comment. Check job boards and see what other opportunities are out there.

A good rule: Always "sleep on it" or take some time before reacting. The physiological effects of a triggered emotion affect how you think, says Dr. Lamia. Giving yourself a few hours can help you clearly think through what's going on and the best action to take.

How to know if you should stay or go

There’s no such thing as a relationship without challenges. However, some stumbling blocks are merely garden-variety annoyances, while others are bona fide deal-breakers. Here is a Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can — and Should — Be Saved.

1. Consider how you and your partner resolve conflicts
In an unhealthy relationship (i.e., one that really isn’t working), when you hit those periods of conflict, you’ll notice either right away or soon enough that you are not a team struggling for mutual well-being. Unsure about whether you and your partner are have an unhealthy conflict resolution approach? When you argue, does it become about who can win and/or who can hurt the other more effectively, or does one (or both) of you become explosive or cruel? Is it characterized by your partner thinking almost exclusively about what is good for him or her, not about what’s good for you or the relationship? If any of these statements ring true for you, it’s probably a wise decision to get out.

2. Recognize the difference between irritating habits and deal-breakers
Some of the most troubling and potentially deal-breaking problems one can face with a partner are immaturity, addiction, unresolved or untreated mental health issues (including the after-effects of trauma, depression and personality disorders) and abusiveness. Each one of these is a big ticket item, meaning it will likely cost you a great deal of emotional energy and time to be in a relationship with your partner and one of these issues. You may decide that, no matter how much you love your partner, you don’t want to put so much energy into dealing with anything so consuming.

3. Think about the consequences of ending the relationship
When debating whether to leave or stay, first considering whether you’ve ever felt frightened of your partner. Has this person ever physically attacked you, or made you feel that he or she was on the verge of it? Has your partner ever forced you sexually? Has your partner said anything like, “You’d better not ever try to leave me” or anything similar that suggested he or she wanted you to be afraid of ending things? If your intuition tells you that your partner may have a volatile reaction, that’s a pretty good sign that walking away from your relationship is a good idea.

4. Imagine a life without your partner
When you’re trying to decide whether staying in your relationship will be truly beneficial or not, ask yourself if you have remained true to who you really are during the time you’ve been with your partner, and what your life would look like if you were no longer together. Remember that having love, approval, kindness and appreciation for yourself is at least as important as getting it from someone else; if these feelings are impossible to have while in your current relationship, it’s time to get back into having a loving, supportive connection with yourself.

How to Say No

There are lots of reasons we struggle with "no." Some feel bound by obligation or by fear of hurting someone's feelings. Others believe they really can do it all (and hate to pass up the opportunity to try). But think about it: Almost every misplaced yes is really a no to you.

By asserting yourself in a considerate, confident way, says negotiator William Ury, Ph.D., author of "The Power of a Positive No," you can be selective about what you take on without jeopardizing friendships -- a people-pleaser's biggest fear. Try our five-step plan so that you can start saying no -- and stop feeling guilty.

Find Your Yes
Before you can even think about getting good at saying no, get clear on what to say yes to in life. If your yes is more time with your family, that will mean turning down obligations that keep you away from home. If it's yes to better health, you'll need to say no to late nights at work that keep you from the gym. The firmer your foundation and connection to your yes, says Ury, the less difficult it will be to say no. After all, you'll be answering to a higher cause.

Buy Some Time
Whenever possible, don't respond to a request on the spot. This keeps you from saying yes under pressure ("Um ... sure, I'll host the baby shower") or reacting emotionally to the request, especially when you're feeling stressed out.

Deliver Your No with Grace and Resolve
The moment of truth can be the most difficult of all, particularly when you're afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Ury suggests a "yes-no-yes" approach: First, share what you're currently saying yes to ("My mother and I always go out for breakfast on Saturday mornings"). Then say no ("So I won't be able to help you set up for the brunch you're hosting").

But don't stop there. After you've turned someone down, affirm your good intentions by closing with another yes -- this time, to a mutually positive outcome ("But I'd be happy to help clean up after it's over"). In so doing, you relieve some of the frustration wrought by closing a door, while sending the message that you respect the other person's needs.

Have a Plan B
Even if the other person gets emotional or reactive after you've delivered your no, don't yield under pressure -- as difficult as this may seem. Instead, take a deep breath and listen attentively to his or her objections. Then, gently but firmly, underscore your no -- and keep it simple and clean; no backpedaling or scrambling for defense.

Cut Yourself Some Slack
Even with practice, some will always find saying no a challenge. For the dyed-in-the-wool people pleaser, there may be a twinge of guilt -- and, for the overly ambitious, regret. Realize that your perennial inclination to offer help is something to be lauded, not criticized.

Tips that help reset your internal clock

Here are some tips to help reset your internal clock and survive your first couple of days back at work or school:

Start going to bed 15 minutes earlier a couple of nights before the time change.
Set your alarm 30 minutes earlier on Saturday and Sunday morning you are used to getting up earlier on Monday.

Go outside early Saturday and Sunday morning.
If you don't have a pre-existing health condition, exercise outdoors, but not after 4 p.m. which can disrupt sleep later.

Refrain from napping over the weekend.
Avoid alcohol on Sunday night. While it might knock you out, alcohol disrupts sleep patterns.

Eat a healthy, substantial breakfast Monday morning to provide you with energy to get through the day.

The Power of Touch

A study at the University of Virginia showed that holding a spouse’s hand can diminish stress set off by a mild electric shock. A total of 16 couples took part; first the wives received the shocks while their brains were monitored via functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI).

Next, each woman held the hand of a stranger during the shock--this dampened the stress response seen in the brain. Finally, the women held their husbands’ hands during the shock and the fMRIs showed that the reduction in stress was even greater.
The Cuddle Hormone

Women who get the most hugs from their partner have the highest levels of oxytocin, a hormone sometimes called the “cuddle hormone,” University of North Carolina researchers reported.

Oxytocin is believed to play a role in social bonding and has a powerful effect on the cardiovascular systems. In the study, the frequent huggers had lower blood pressure. So there you have it, love is good for almost everything. The only exception: it doesn’t help you lose weight.

Facebook: Surprising Cause of Stress

You love taking a midday break from work and finding out what your pals are up to, but could everyone else's status updates be stressing you out? Maybe, says expert. Social networking, like any relationship, can have an impact on your emotions, adding that online news bites can sometimes, inadvertently, make others feel inadequate.

For instance: the status update from your old friend from high school who announced that she/he's just met her/his soul mate, who's spending time on a two-week Mediterranean cruise, just as you've signed your divorce papers.

Notice how you're feeling when you spend time on Facebook and pay attention to why. If it makes you feel bad, trust your instincts and log off. Call a friend, curl up with a good book, go for a walk-do something that genuinely brings you pleasure."

Happy Couples do stuff together

When that pheromone-crazy feeling of falling in love passes and happy couples no longer spend all day in bed, they look outward. They start businesses, refinish the attic or take up cooking together.

Of all the variables in a relationship -from commitment to communication- the amount of fun couples have together is the strongest factor in determining their overall marital happiness, according to a landmark study by Howard Markman, Ph.D., codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver. Time spent playing together, says Dr. Markman, is an "investment in the relationship"; it provides a relaxed intimacy that strengthens the bond between two people.

So even if your life is impossibly frantic, make the time for play. And do all you can to eliminate distractions. Leave the kids with a sitter, ditch the beeper and cell phone. The activity doesn't have to be anything elaborate or costly. Exercising together, browsing in antiques stores, or renting a classic movie can help bring the two of you closer.

Why a cup of coffee (or two) isn't so bad?

A couple of cups of joe may perk you up in more ways than you think. Coffee gets a bad rap because of the caffeine, but it may actually help regulate your mood. A recent study published in Archives of Internal Medicine showed that women who drank two to three cups of coffee daily had a 15% lower risk of depression. Photo by iStock

"Caffeine helps activate the brain chemicals involved in mood, like dopamine and serotonin," says study author Alberto Ascherio, MD, a professor of epidemiology and nutrition at Harvard School of Public Health. Coffee is also a rich source of antioxidants and other healthy compounds that may help protect against cancer, according to new research.

One caveat: If you don't drink coffee, don't start (caffeine is a stimulant and can cause jitters or an upset stomach in some people). But if you're a java lover, consider this permission to pour yourself an extra cup.

Expert tips for calming pre-date jitters

Help is here. Here're some tips on how to overcome this common problem. We’ve rounded up advice from experts who teach people how to stay calm in nerve-wracking situations. Try their tips below for putting your best dating foot forward.

Tip #1: Keep a healthy perspective about what first dates are really for “The first and most important step in overcoming the fear is to put your first date in perspective: this is not an appointment with the dentist or brain surgeon who may inflict pain on you; rather, it is a conversation with another person. The worst thing that can happen is that you won’t connect with the person sitting across from you — it’s hardly the end of the world! Second, think of this date as a two-way process. You are interviewing a potential partner as much as your date is interviewing you. Is there a good fit here? What looks good on the surface or on paper may not be what it appears to be for either party. Investigate whether this person is a good match for you and whether you want to invest a significant part of your life and energy in future dates.”

Tip #2: Breathe deeply while counting silently to calm yourself down “Here is a simple (but amazingly powerful) breathing technique you can easily do to manage stress while sitting in the car or on the train before a date. While breathing through the nose only, inhale to the count of three and exhale to the count of six. It only takes about two or three minutes to experience a noticeable, full-body calming effect. The reason? Deep breathing triggers your parasympathetic nervous system to counteract the ‘fight-or-flight’ response that underlies your jitters and results in shallower breathing. And if, during the date, you feel yourself getting nervous again, ask an open-ended question, like: ‘So, what’s working at a college really like?’ and then put a soft smile on your face while you breathe the shakes away!”

Concentrate on the present moment instead of worrying about the future “Dating is like auditioning — the stakes are high, so nerves will undoubtedly come into play. I would tell daters the same thing I tell my actors: When you get nervous, put your concentration into the present moment instead of the outcome. Every time you start to think about the future — “Will this person ask me out on a second date?” — force yourself to focus on the conversation at hand. You stand a better chance of booking another date if you can let someone see the type of person you really are, and that you’d be easy to get along with. You can’t do that if you’re draining your own energy trying to figure out what your date wants and what the result might be.”

Release pre-date tension by working up a sweat in the gym
“Work out first! You’ll have a positive feeling from all the endorphins, you’ll feel more confident about your appearance, and you’ll have released the tension from your muscles. Or, instead of going right to the date from your office or home, socialize a bit first — either by meeting a friend somewhere or otherwise putting yourself in a situation where you’re turning on your most positive personality for others. Doing this will make you walk into the date already feeling engaged and ‘up.’ Just do not talk about the upcoming date while you’re socializing, because that will put your mind back on the subject... and could make you nervous all over again.”

Put any negative thoughts in writing, then put a positive spin on them before leaving for your date “Divide a sheet of paper in half. On the left side of the page, write down how your critical inner voices or negative thoughts are undermining your self-confidence. Write them down as though you are talking to yourself; for example, ‘Don’t get too excited about this date. He/she is not going to find you attractive enough.’ Next, on the right-hand side of the page, write down a more realistic or congenial statement about yourself. Like, ‘I may not be a supermodel, but I have good features and a sense of humor.’ Decide which of these more positive, realistic statements you will act on before your date begins. They reflect the real you.”

Tip for Couples: How to fight constructively

There's fighting and then there's fighting. When couples start yelling and throwing things, when they dredge up every single complaint they've ever had (or "kitchen-sinking," as marital experts typically call it), you can be sure that they won't be celebrating their silver anniversary together. Studies show that the way couples handle conflict is the most important factor in determining whether or not they stay together, according to experts in relationship study.

Happy couples have learned the art of constructive arguing, whose research has demonstrated that it's possible to predict whether or not a couple will divorce after watching them argue for 10 or 15 minutes. In strong marriages, the partners take control of their disagreements by establishing ground rules. They may, for example, call a mutually agreed-upon time-out if the conflict is escalating and unproductive, agreeing to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period.

They also truly listen to each other and won't prematurely try to solve the problem before they've heard each other out. Above all, no matter how angry they get, they don't resort to name-calling and insults - key danger signs.

Smartphone to Improve Your Mood

Could a phone be smart enough to work out when we’re suffering from depression?

According to researchers at Northwestern University, the answer is yes. The very smart phone being developed by the scientists would work as a virtual therapist and sense the user’s mood.

And it will even offer a cure. The phone would send a text message urging you to get out and do something to feel better. By learning all the user's usual patterns, it can sense when he or she is isolated.

'We’re trying to develop individual algorithms for each user that can determine specific states, so their location where they are, their activity, their social context, who they’re with, what they’re engaged in and their mood,' said psychologist David Mohr.

So if someone is stuck inside for days and feeling down, the 'Mobilyze!' phone could sense it.

'It can provide them an automated text message, or an automated phone call to make a suggestion to give somebody a call or get out of the house,' he added.

Tests on eight volunteers have shown the phone doctor has helped boost their moods.

Drinking Water: It will help you de-stress

Being sure to sip water throughout a stressful day can soothe stress-induced symptoms as diverse as headaches, tense muscles, fuzzy thinking, a pounding heart, and low energy. That's because stress taxes all your basic body systems and when you're dehydrated, the effects are magnified.

Given that more than half your body weight is water, just a 2-percent reduction in hydration has a dramatic impact on energy levels and cognitive function and dehydration further raises levels of cortisol, the "stress hormone.

Water won't wash your stress away. But it can provide you with more energy, ease tension, slow breathing, and reduce the strain on your heart.

Eight by eight -eight 8-ounce glasses a day- is a good general rule of thumb, but it's a myth that's the magic amount for everyone, because there are so many variables. The "right" amount for you depends on factors including your age, your activity level, your health level, medications you're taking, and the weather. So how do you know if you're drinking enough? Follow your thirst, and know that you're on the right track if you have straw-colored urine.

What happens when you don't have enough sleep?

No one knows for sure why sleep is necessary, but there's no doubt that getting too little throws a wrench into your body's works. For example, studies show that a sleep debt lowers levels of the hormone leptin, which helps keep your appetite under control. Implication: Sleep too little, and there's a good chance you'll be soon overeating. Sleep deprivation also boosts levels of stress hormones, which prompt your body to send more glucose into your bloodstream. Too little sleep also makes your body less sensitive to insulin.

But that's just the beginning. Research shows that sleeping too little shuts down production of certain chemicals in the immune system that defend your body against germs. Shortchange yourself on shut-eye and you may want to have a box of tissues and cough medicine handy: A 2009 study found that people who sleep less than seven hours a night are up to three times more likely to develop a cold.

Other studies show that even modest sleep deprivation - cutting back from your usual eight hours a night to six hours, for instance - can turn up levels of chronic inflammation, which increases the risk for many conditions, including heart attacks, strokes, and osteoporosis.

Then, there are the immediate effects. When the alarm clock blares you out of a deep sleep, you're apt to start the day in a sour mood. As the day passes, you're also likely to feel dull witted and foggy. Some neurologists believe that one purpose of sleep is to give your brain a chance to build and strengthen the wiring between neurons. Studies show that well-rested people learn new information faster and have sharper memories. Short sleep reduces your reaction time, too, making you at risk for car accidents and other mishaps.

While some people can get by on relatively little sleep, most of us need seven to eight hours a night. Experts say one sign that you're getting adequate sleep is that you can wake up on time every day without using an alarm clock.

What happens when I spend the day really angry?

There's nothing wrong with getting angry - it's perfectly natural and healthy to get ticked off now and then. Staying angry is another matter altogether: It's terrible for you. Apart from wrecking your mood and alienating others, fuming all day can make it much harder to manage diabetes. Anger is a form of emotional stress, which causes your body to release adrenaline and other related hormones. One effect of these "stress" hormones is to raise blood sugar. Also, stress may make you indulge in bad habits, such as eating junk food, which can make matters worse.

There's more. Letting your anger boil all day can damage your heart. Do you get irked and annoyed now and then, but you're able to shrug it off? No big deal. But scientists now know that clinging to anger raises blood pressure. While that's not a big surprise, a recent Yale study found that people who tend to let their anger stew also have high levels of a substance called endothelin, which is known to trigger heart attacks by causing plaques in the arteries (clumps of fat, cholesterol, and other gunk) to burst open and form blood clots. Other research has found that intense, sustained anger can actually cause an arrhythmia, or irregular heartbeat, which can stop your ticker from ticking - permanently.

Day-long anger can be toxic, so find a way to let it go. Write down your rage in a journal. If a friend or family member made you mad, tell 'em. Or just go outside and scream - whatever helps you blow off steam.

Foods to help you settle into slumber

Here are some foods that help you sleep: Almonds, oats, pistachios, pumpkin seeds and wheat are all good sources of tryptophan, an amino acid that helps the body produce serotonin and melatonin.

Pair foods that contain tryptophan with complex carbohydrates for even better results.

Complex carbohydrates, such as whole grains help the brain to release insulin, which clears the way for the tryptophan to be absorbed. So, although it sounds more like breakfast, maybe a small bowl of oatmeal sprinkled with almonds would make a nice snack.

Cherries and mangoes contain melatonin, which is thought to induce sleep and now researchers are saying that some red grapes may contain melatonin, too.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin studied fruit flies and found that potassium might be one of the important elements responsible for sleep.

So, foods like bananas, which contain both tryptophan and potassium may be especially good for sleep and paired with a complex carbohydrate may be even more effective. Try some sliced bananas on whole-wheat toast.

A cup of chamomile tea will help you to relax and de-stress. Chamomile is a flower, so it’s not really tea. Real tea contains caffeine, so you want to avoid that. Just a small cup of herbal tea will do the trick.

Don’t drink too much before bed or you’ll be up during the night to go to the bathroom and that can interfere with your natural sleep cycle.

Eat a light snack or very small meal about one to four hours before bedtime. A meal with carbohydrates will help you to fall asleep more quickly, but can also cause weight gain if you do this on a regular basis.

You also don’t want to eat too close to bedtime because then your body will be busy digesting instead of settling itself into sleep.

And finally, avoid spicy or fatty foods before bedtime. Spices are stimulating and can keep you awake. They may also cause heartburn and interfere with sleep. Fatty foods take longer to digest and will keep your body stimulated when you want it to be relaxed.

Symptoms and How to detox from technology?

These are symptoms identified as showing your tech habits might be unhealthy:

You can’t go more than a few minutes without checking your smartphone for email or texts.
You log onto Facebook many times a day so you won’t miss an “important” post.
You feel your phone vibrate and whip it out of your pocket and discover it was a case of “phantom pocket vibration syndrome.
You excuse yourself to the restroom specifically to check in with your online world.
You sleep with your cell phone next to you and say you are using it as an alarm when, really, you want to be able to check texts that come in during the night.

How to detox from technology

Most people can benefit from stepping back. Start with 15 minutes of going without checking emails, texts, or social networking sites. Then enjoy using your tech toys for a one-minute "tech break" — a time to use technology. As you discover you aren’t going to miss anything drastically important and start to feel more at ease and focused, you can increase the time between tech breaks.

Rather than fighting kids' compulsion to be connected, it’s more productive to help them gradually expand the time they can stay focused on something other than their mobile device or computer. For example, ask your child or teen to put down their device during a family meal but assure them that they can have a one-minute tech break every 15 minutes afterwards. Gradually increase the time between tech breaks. This strategy is even being implemented in schools where some kids’ anxiety about checking their devices can make it difficult for them to focus in class.

People who know how to say "NO" are more productive

It's easy to get distracted or overwhelmed at work. But one of the secrets of highly productive people is that they learn when and how to say "no." For starters, say "no" to whiners, complainers and distracting people.

One way to do that is by wearing headphones, that sends the message that you're busy and it drowns out the noise as well. When it comes time to say "no" to the boss, tread lightly but firmly. You don't have to spell out n-o per se; rather, ask your boss to prioritize what's most important given what's on your plate.

When an employee does that, the boss usually comes to their senses and they get it. You don't want to make your boss the enemy; you want your boss to know you're there for the company, and that you're there for them. If they know that, they're more likely to listen to what you say.

Conquer Stress

Managing stress is challenging, Roach says, but worth the effort. "It has such a powerful effect on your health." Chronic stress takes a huge toll on your body. It's linked to obesity, high cholesterol, depression, digestive woes, and insomnia. Stress also wears down your immune system, leaving you more vulnerable to colds and flu.

Relaxation techniques like meditation and deep breathing can help. So can exercise. Whatever method you choose, effective stress management has terrific anti-aging benefits. Taking good care of your emotional health and well-being can make your body think it's 16 years younger.

Introducing World's First Facebook Bullying Alert System

what a concerned father can do when he want to stop abusive behavior such as bullying? He developed the world's first bullying alert system for Facebook! NHS consultant Paddy Clarke's software scans walls and inboxes for trigger words and phrases such as 'gay' and 'fat' and alerts parents when they appear. The father-of-four came up with the idea after reading a string of cyber-bullying horror stories.

Mr Clarke, 48, said he hoped his system - called 'Know Diss' - will keep children safe from online bullies. He said: 'Bullying has now gone from the playground into children's homes. 'Kids feel safe sending an abusive message in their rooms. It is pretty awful.

'Cyber-bullying is very topical at the moment, particularly following some tragic cases where young people have taken their lives because of it. 'It is hard to believe but this software is the only one in the world to search through text on social networking sites to protect children.

'Know Diss is a very simple concept. It is also a partnership between parent and child because one cannot sign up without the other.' Mr Clarke, a consultant in pain relief at Gloucestershire Royal Hospital in Gloucester, joined forces with friend Alan Saul to design and implement Know Diss, which costs £12 for a yearly subscription.

Orange juice, Chamomile tea, Beer and Cranberry juice

Orange juice guards against heart disease: Antioxidants in OJ help protect your ticker by fighting the inflammation that can cause blood vessel damage. Consider this: People who ate fast food with a glass of orange juice had fewer artery-harming free radicals in their blood afterward than those who had their burger and fries with water, a study in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition indicates. Isn't that a great reason to choose juice? Just watch the sugars—one cup contains 21 grams and 122 calories.

Chamomile tea can keep you calm: People who downed chamomile extract daily for two months felt significantly less anxious, a study from the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia reports. Ease into mellow mode at night with a cup of chamomile tea.

Beer may prevent cardiovascular disease: File this under who knew? Compounds found in both regular and nonalcoholic brew may prevent blood thickening that can lead to cardiovascular disease, accord to a study in Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research. Our taste testers for SELF's 2010 Healthy Food Awards loved Budweiser Select 55—refreshing and full-bodied, with only 55 calories per bottle. Toast to your health!

Cranberry juice may prevent gum disease and urinary tract infections: Natural compounds in the juice may ward off gum disease by preventing bacteria from adhering to the teeth below the gum line. Cranberry juice also delivers 39 percent of the daily value for vitamin C per 8 ounces, raises levels of good cholesterol and keeps your urinary tract tip-top. A berry smart sip indeed!